Couples Therapy

What Is Couples Therapy?   

Couples therapy is a treatment approach for relationship issues. Couples therapy provides an opportunity for the couple to identify dynamics and patterns that contribute to issues they are experiencing. During couples therapy, the therapist helps the couple to develop new ways of relating to each other and shift away from damaging patterns that keep on repeating. Starting couples therapy may be challenging as some couples experience shame for not being “strong enough” to deal with their issues, feel worried that things will get worse, feel hesitant to attend therapy out of fear of being “cornered” or “sided against.” The therapist’s role is not to identify who is right and who is wrong, but rather to focus on uncovering interactional dynamics that are at the core of the couple’s issues and helping partners work as a team to tackle issues they are facing. Couples therapy creates room for each partner to express their emotions, share their perspectives, and learn to understand each other. Couples therapy is most effective when partners are equally committed to the therapy process and willing to work towards positive changes in their relationship.

How Do I Know If Couples Therapy Is Right For Me?

Let me just start by saying that in a world of billions of people, you chose each other. There was something special that drew you to each other. There was something unique and admirable that you recognized in each other. It may be hard to see it now and connect to those feelings you once had for each other, especially when you are going through some difficult times. 

Now things may have changed. You don’t even recognize your relationship any more. You are wondering “What has happened to us?” 

You may be noticing that something seems off in your relationship. Connection you once had with your partner seems to have faded away. You may not even know what has been bringing you apart, but the way you feel in the relationship is just not the same as it was before. 

It may also feel like arguments never end. Every time you try to talk to each other you end up feeling more hurt. Each of you is hurting and you want your partner to understand you. Conflict is taking over your relationship with no resolution in sight. The more conflict you are having where you feel not heard and shut down, the more distant, withdrawn, and defensive you become. No matter how hard you try, nothing seems to work. As a result of this constant fighting, you are living in chronic distress that is affecting your mental and physical health. Being together is simply not fun any more. 

You may have conflicting feelings about the future of your relationship. You or your partner may have considered leaving the relationship and you just don’t know if you should stay together, fight for your relationship, or go your separate ways. These decisions are quite complex, especially when intense emotions are involved. In such instances, it may be beneficial to seek out help from a trained professional who can help you navigate these conversations and arrive at a conscious, rather than reactive, decision.

Couples therapy can help you work through many different issues, including, but not limited to the following:

  • Premarital counseling

  • Infidelity & Trust Issues

  • Commitment issues

  • Conflicts 

  • Communication issues

  • Fear of abandonment in relationship

  • Feelings of disconnection

  • Parenting 

  • Chronic illness 

  • Life transitions (for example: cohabiting, transition to parenthood, caring for aging parents, changes in career and financial situations, etc.)

  • Divorce and separation

  • Emotional and physical intimacy

  • Cultural differences

  • Complicated relationships with family

  • Individual needs and relationship expectations

  • Loss of a child

  • Diverse views on major decisions (children, financial decisions, relocation, etc.)

  • Resentment towards each other

How Can Couples Therapy Help?

Relationships are complex. Every couple will experience difficulties at some point. In those times you may be hoping that your love will pull you through. But sometimes love is just not enough. Relationships can foster an environment that enriches your life, empowers you, and brings a lot of joy into your life. On the other hand, it can become an environment where you feel unhappy and lonely.

Couples therapy can help you turn your relationship around, find points of connection, and address underlying issues that come between you. Learning how to communicate effectively, how to listen and really hear each other, and how to express your needs instead of demanding or blaming your partner is essential for the wellbeing of your relationship. Through examination of your relational dynamics in therapy, you can learn to deepen your connection, be emotionally available to each other in times of need, rebuild trust, and feel closer.